Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
