I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
