Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is it because I queefed?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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