Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
