Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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