Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
