You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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