if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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