remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
