Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
