he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
