the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
