Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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