She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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