You made me cry and you don't even care
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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