im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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