when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So many bounce houses so little time
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
