She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
