I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
