Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
