I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
