Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
