Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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