If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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