I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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