Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
