Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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