How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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