I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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