Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
