I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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