o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
