ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize