Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
