Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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