if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
