You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
