umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
