I accidentally burped into my bong.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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