So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
