a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
