it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
