she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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