i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My vagina just clenched in fear
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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