Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
NoShamevember. You game?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
