More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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