Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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