I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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