why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
