apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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