If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
