we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
