you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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