Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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