So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
