Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
