I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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