Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
